DVS Offerings

Monday, Dec 11
12:12 AM

Hangover Part II, The (DVS)

Phil, Stu, Alan and Doug travel to exotic Thailand for Stu's wedding. With the memory of Doug's nearly disastrous bachelor party in Las Vegas still fresh-or at least well-documented-Stu is taking no chances. He has opted for a safe, subdued, pre-wedding trip brunch, with pancakes, coffee and no alcohol. However, things don't always go as planned. Two nights before the big day, at a fabulous resort in Thailand, Stu relents. One beer each. In sealed bottles. What could go wrong? What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but what happens in Bangkok can't even be imagined.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Escape Hatch Identification, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard and Penny offer Sheldon's old room to Raj after he moves out of his apartment.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Recollection Dissipation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is working overtime and pushing himself to the limit when he collaborates on projects with Leonard and Howard, and another one with Amy, all on the same day. Bernadette's maternity leave is running out and she must face going back to work.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Positive Negative Reaction, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The gang learns Bernadette is pregnant and celebrate by singing karaoke. Meanwhile, Wolowitz freaks out over the pregnancy announcement and becomes convinced he must make more money to provide for the baby.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Escape Hatch Identification, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard and Penny offer Sheldon's old room to Raj after he moves out of his apartment.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Recollection Dissipation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is working overtime and pushing himself to the limit when he collaborates on projects with Leonard and Howard, and another one with Amy, all on the same day. Bernadette's maternity leave is running out and she must face going back to work.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Hysteria (DVS)

Search Party

Dory and Drew receive a visit from hot-on-the-trail Officer Joy Hartman, make a shocking discovery at who knows what they did, meet up with a renewed Elliott, and still make it to Portia's play on time.

TV-MA

7:12 AM

Admission

Every spring, high school seniors anxiously await college admission letters. At Princeton University, admissions officer Portia Nathan is a gatekeeper, evaluating thousands of applicants annually. Year in and year out, Portia has lived her life by the book, at work and at the home she shares with Princeton professor Mark. When Clarence, the Dean of Admissions, announces his impending retirement, the likeliest candidates to succeed him are Portia and her office rival Corinne. For Portia, however, it's business as usual as she hits the road on her annual recruiting trip. On the road, Portia reconnects with her iconoclastic mother, Susannah, and, on her arrival at New Quest, an alternative high school, she reconnects with her former college classmate, idealistic teacher John Pressman - who has recently surmised that Jeremiah, a gifted yet very unconventional student, might well be the son that Portia secretly gave up for adoption years ago while at school. Jeremiah is about to apply to Princeton. Now Portia must re-evaluate her personal and professional existences, as she finds herself bending the admissions rules for Jeremiah, putting at risk the future she thought she always wanted - and, in the process, finding her way to a surprising and exhilarating life and romance she never dreamed of having.

TV-14

8:12 AM

Social Network, The

In 2003, brilliant Harvard sophomore Mark Zuckerberg conceives of the idea of a social networking website which will become the world-changing phenomenon, Facebook. His close friend and roommate Eduardo Saverin provides the seed money for the new company, and Napster founder Sean Parker presents the product to the venture capitalists in Silicon Valley. Zuckerberg, a young man with few social skills outside of the virtual world, manages to destroy his few true friendships with Saverin and Parker due to his ruthlessness and greed in the wake of the huge success of their project.

TV-14

9:12 AM

Hike, The

New Girl

Jess and Robby make an unexpected discovery about their relationship while on a hike. Winston plans a party for Aly, and Schmidt & Cece fall short short of impressing their new neighbors.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Admission

Every spring, high school seniors anxiously await college admission letters. At Princeton University, admissions officer Portia Nathan is a gatekeeper, evaluating thousands of applicants annually. Year in and year out, Portia has lived her life by the book, at work and at the home she shares with Princeton professor Mark. When Clarence, the Dean of Admissions, announces his impending retirement, the likeliest candidates to succeed him are Portia and her office rival Corinne. For Portia, however, it's business as usual as she hits the road on her annual recruiting trip. On the road, Portia reconnects with her iconoclastic mother, Susannah, and, on her arrival at New Quest, an alternative high school, she reconnects with her former college classmate, idealistic teacher John Pressman - who has recently surmised that Jeremiah, a gifted yet very unconventional student, might well be the son that Portia secretly gave up for adoption years ago while at school. Jeremiah is about to apply to Princeton. Now Portia must re-evaluate her personal and professional existences, as she finds herself bending the admissions rules for Jeremiah, putting at risk the future she thought she always wanted - and, in the process, finding her way to a surprising and exhilarating life and romance she never dreamed of having.

TV-14

11:12 AM

Frat Chance

Married with Children

Desperate for a date, Bud founds his own community college fraternity in his garage.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Kelly Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Married with Children

When Al can't afford to pay the bills, he convinces Kelly to get a job. Finding employment as a waitress at a burger joint, Kelly realizes why mother Peg has never worked a day in her life.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

One with Rachel's Assistant, The

Friends

Rachel is in a quandary when a sexy but unqualified man applies to be her assistant. Chandler, Monica and Ross tell embarrassing secrets about one another.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Frat Chance

Married with Children

Desperate for a date, Bud founds his own community college fraternity in his garage.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

One with All the Candy, The

Friends

Rachel gets in trouble for dating her assistant. Monica tries to become friendlier with her neighbors. Phoebe needs lessons in riding a bike.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with Rachel's Assistant, The

Friends

Rachel is in a quandary when a sexy but unqualified man applies to be her assistant. Chandler, Monica and Ross tell embarrassing secrets about one another.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Buried Pleasure

Cleveland Show, The

After he learns about Holt's sex doll, Cleveland sets up Holt with a coworker named Jane, who turns out to be a bully; Cleveland Jr. accidentally consumes Rallo's pet fish.

TV-14

6:12 PM

One with All the Candy, The

Friends

Rachel gets in trouble for dating her assistant. Monica tries to become friendlier with her neighbors. Phoebe needs lessons in riding a bike.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

Can I Be Frank (With You) (DVS)

American Dad

Francine dresses up in a man suit so she can spend more time with Stan; Steve forms a boy band with his friends.

TV-14

8:12 PM

Buried Pleasure

Cleveland Show, The

After he learns about Holt's sex doll, Cleveland sets up Holt with a coworker named Jane, who turns out to be a bully; Cleveland Jr. accidentally consumes Rallo's pet fish.

TV-14

9:12 PM

Friends with Burger-Fits

Bob's Burgers

Bob becomes Teddy's workout buddy after finding out his burgers contributed to Teddy's bad health. The two enroll in a stuntman boot camp where their friendship is put to the test. Meanwhile, the kids make an ice rink in the freezer with Linda running their underground ice-wrestling league.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Can I Be Frank (With You) (DVS)

American Dad

Francine dresses up in a man suit so she can spend more time with Stan; Steve forms a boy band with his friends.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl

Bob's Burgers

When Gene's Die Hard-inspired musical doesn't get picked for the school's fall performance, he decides to stage an underground show with the help of Louise. But Wagstaff Middle School families begin to feud when they learn Eugene has planned his show on the very same night as Courtney's school-sanctioned Working Girl-inspired musical featuring Tina.

TV-PG

Tuesday, Dec 12
12:12 AM

Brian the Closer (DVS)

Family Guy

A fight over a chew-rope with Peter leaves Brian toothless and disfigured. But after a visit with Quagmire's dentist, Brian puts his new "toothy" smile to the test, as a real estate agent.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Carter and Tricia (DVS)

Family Guy

Carter purchases Pawtucket Brewery and becomes Peter's new boss. With great pleasure, he forces Peter to assume a variety of humiliating roles. Peter overhears Carter order staff to illegally make beer cans out of dangerous and cheap materials.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Peter's Def Jam (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire want to do an activity together so they decide to start a podcast. After a horrendous start, Peter accidentally plays multiple songs and is mistaken for a DJ by a club owner.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Brian the Closer (DVS)

Family Guy

A fight over a chew-rope with Peter leaves Brian toothless and disfigured. But after a visit with Quagmire's dentist, Brian puts his new "toothy" smile to the test, as a real estate agent.

TV-14

4:12 AM

Carter and Tricia (DVS)

Family Guy

Carter purchases Pawtucket Brewery and becomes Peter's new boss. With great pleasure, he forces Peter to assume a variety of humiliating roles. Peter overhears Carter order staff to illegally make beer cans out of dangerous and cheap materials.

TV-14

5:12 AM

Episode 81110

Conan

Guests: Ed Helms, Fareed Zakaria, Electric Guest

TV-14

6:12 AM

And the Not Regular Down There (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max is puzzled and curious when her new beau expresses hesitations about intimacy because he is "not regular down there." Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg struggle to get pregnant.

TV-14

7:12 AM

And the Basketball Jones (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max & Caroline interfere with a basketball game in an attempt to promote their cupcakes, but the chaos that ensues threatens to ruin their business' reputation.

TV-14

8:12 AM

And the No New Friends (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline falls in with the wrong crowd when she tries to make new friends after Max reconnects with an old friend.

TV-14

9:12 AM

And the Not Regular Down There (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max is puzzled and curious when her new beau expresses hesitations about intimacy because he is "not regular down there." Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg struggle to get pregnant.

TV-14

10:12 AM

And the Basketball Jones (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max & Caroline interfere with a basketball game in an attempt to promote their cupcakes, but the chaos that ensues threatens to ruin their business' reputation.

TV-14

11:12 AM

And the No New Friends (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline falls in with the wrong crowd when she tries to make new friends after Max reconnects with an old friend.

TV-14

12:12 PM

Rock of Ages

Married with Children

When Al wins a trip to Hawaii, he poses as an aging rock star to get into the first class lounge. Inside the airport lounge, he meets rock heroes. Mistaking him for a fellow rocker, the musicians convince Al to perform with them at a benefit.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Old College Try

Married with Children

Bud's big plans to move into his college dorm are destroyed when Al and Peg manage to get their hands on his scholarship money and go on a shopping spree. Broke and dormless, Bud is forced back into the Bundy household.

TV-14

2:12 PM

Steve Moscow

King of Queens, The

Doug has a disagreement with his contractor, who then leaves his house in disarray.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Heels on Wheels

Married with Children

Kelly buys a motorcycle to put some fun back into her life but disaster strikes when Al decides to take the bike out for a spin.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

S' Poor House

King of Queens, The

Doug asks for financial assistance when insurance does not cover a mold problem.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Steve Moscow

King of Queens, The

Doug has a disagreement with his contractor, who then leaves his house in disarray.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Wizard, The

Seinfeld

Jerry buys his father an electronic organizer; Kramer retires to Florida.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with Ross & Monica's Cousin, The

Friends

Monica's gorgeous cousin unwittingly wreaks havoc on Chandler and Ross. Rachel and Phoebe hastily plan a surprise bridal party for Monica.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with the Vows, The

Friends

As Monica and Chandler prepare their wedding vows, they and their friends reminisce.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

National Treasure 4: Baby Franny: She's Doing Well: The Hole Story

American Dad

A Langley Falls talk show outs Francine as Baby Franny, the toddler who was once rescued from a well by a heroic fireman. On the anniversary of her rescue, she falls down the well again and makes a shocking discovery. Stan and Roger have an entrepreneurial eureka moment when they think of the world's next game-changing business opportunity, male stripper shoes.

TV-14

10:12 PM

Adventures of Twill Ongenbone and His Boy Jabari, The

American Dad

Francine tries to teach Roger the value of hard work after he fakes a masters degree and buys an Oscar. Steve interviews Stan for a personal history assignment at school.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Stewie Is Enceinte (DVS)

Family Guy

Stewie fears that he and Brian are growing apart after Brian avoids several invitations to hangout. In an effort to rekindle their friendship, Stewie decides that having a baby would bring them back together.

TV-14

Wednesday, Dec 13
12:12 AM

Rothman Disintegration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When a corner office at the University opens up, Sheldon must compete for it with his office nemesis, Barry Kripke. Meanwhile, Penny receives an unusual gift from Amy.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Adventures of Twill Ongenbone and His Boy Jabari, The

American Dad

Francine tries to teach Roger the value of hard work after he fakes a masters degree and buys an Oscar. Steve interviews Stan for a personal history assignment at school.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Hawking Excitation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon has a chance to meet his hero, STEPHEN HAWKING.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Rothman Disintegration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When a corner office at the University opens up, Sheldon must compete for it with his office nemesis, Barry Kripke. Meanwhile, Penny receives an unusual gift from Amy.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Weekend Vortex, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon chooses to participate in a guys-only weekend Star Wars gaming marathon rather than go with Amy to her aunt's birthday party... and gets a lesson from Penny and Amy.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Episode 81111

Conan

Guests: James Franco and Ari Graynor, Noomi Rapace, Gary Clark Jr.

TV-14

6:12 AM

King Kong

It is 1933, and vaudeville actress Ann Darrow has found herself--like so many other New Yorkers during the Great Depression--without the means to earn a living. Unwilling to compromise and allow herself to sink into a career in burlesque, she considers her limited options while aimlessly wandering the streets of Manhattan. When her hunger drives her to unsuccessfully try to steal an apple from a fruit vendor's stall, she is rescued--literally--by filmmaker and multiple hyphenate Carl Denham. It seems that the entrepreneur-raconteur-adventurer is no stranger to theft, having that day lifted the only existing print of his most recent and unfinished film from under his studio executives' noses when they threatened to pull his completion funds. Carl has until the end of the day to get his crew onboard the Singapore-bound tramp steamer, the S.S. Venture, in hopes of completing his travelogue/action film. With that, the showman is certain he will finally achieve the personal greatness he knows awaits him around the corner--and although the crew believe that corner to be Singapore, Denham actually hopes to find and capture on film the mysterious place of legend: Skull Island. Unfortunately for Carl, his headlining actress has pulled out of his project, but his search for a size-four leading lady (the costumes have all been made) has, fatefully, led him to Ann. The struggling actress is reluctant to sign on with Denham, until she learns that the up-and-coming, socially relevant playwright Jack Driscoll is penning the screenplay--the fees his friend Carl pays for potboiling adventure are a welcome supplement to Driscoll's nominal income from his stage plays. With his newly discovered star and coerced screenwriter reluctantly onboard, Denham's "moving picture ship" heads out of New York Harbor--and toward a destiny that none aboard could possibly foresee.

TV-PG

7:12 AM

Episode 81111

Conan

Guests: James Franco and Ari Graynor, Noomi Rapace, Gary Clark Jr.

TV-14

8:12 AM

Episode 81111

Conan

Guests: James Franco and Ari Graynor, Noomi Rapace, Gary Clark Jr.

TV-14

9:12 AM

King Kong

It is 1933, and vaudeville actress Ann Darrow has found herself--like so many other New Yorkers during the Great Depression--without the means to earn a living. Unwilling to compromise and allow herself to sink into a career in burlesque, she considers her limited options while aimlessly wandering the streets of Manhattan. When her hunger drives her to unsuccessfully try to steal an apple from a fruit vendor's stall, she is rescued--literally--by filmmaker and multiple hyphenate Carl Denham. It seems that the entrepreneur-raconteur-adventurer is no stranger to theft, having that day lifted the only existing print of his most recent and unfinished film from under his studio executives' noses when they threatened to pull his completion funds. Carl has until the end of the day to get his crew onboard the Singapore-bound tramp steamer, the S.S. Venture, in hopes of completing his travelogue/action film. With that, the showman is certain he will finally achieve the personal greatness he knows awaits him around the corner--and although the crew believe that corner to be Singapore, Denham actually hopes to find and capture on film the mysterious place of legend: Skull Island. Unfortunately for Carl, his headlining actress has pulled out of his project, but his search for a size-four leading lady (the costumes have all been made) has, fatefully, led him to Ann. The struggling actress is reluctant to sign on with Denham, until she learns that the up-and-coming, socially relevant playwright Jack Driscoll is penning the screenplay--the fees his friend Carl pays for potboiling adventure are a welcome supplement to Driscoll's nominal income from his stage plays. With his newly discovered star and coerced screenwriter reluctantly onboard, Denham's "moving picture ship" heads out of New York Harbor--and toward a destiny that none aboard could possibly foresee.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

You Can't Miss

Married with Children

Fed up with his non-existent social life, Bud decides to go on a dating game for nerds. Everyone is surprised when the beautiful Candy chooses Bud for his date. Although the two don't hit it off, Bud is certain that Candy will choose him on next week's show to accompany her on a dream date to Bermuda. Bud is disappointed when she chooses the show's handsome Latin Lover, and returns to find, much to his surprise, a host of available and willing women waiting for him.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Go for the Old

Married with Children

At first depressed when a theater cashier mistakes him for a senior citizen, Al reconsiders and sees the benefits to getting a senior citizen discount card. Al enters the Chicago Area Senior Athletic Championships much to the embarrassment of his family. Placing fifteenth at the end of the first day's events, Al becomes inspired by the memory of his high school football career. He struggles into second place and after debating whether or not it would be fair to steal the title from an old guy, he catches a glimpse of the trophy and snatches the victory for himself.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Movie Show

Married with Children

When the Bundy family is reminded that Kelly's birthday is coming up, Al seizes the opportunity to appear generous by offering to take her to the movies after Kelly's boyfriend, Frank, has already invited her out. Certain that Kelly would refuse, the Bundys are surprised when she cancels her date with Frank to join them. As they are settling into their seats at the theater, Kelly is shocked to find Frank out with another girl. Kelly confronts Frank about his unfaithfulness then sends Al over to beat him up.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

You Can't Miss

Married with Children

Fed up with his non-existent social life, Bud decides to go on a dating game for nerds. Everyone is surprised when the beautiful Candy chooses Bud for his date. Although the two don't hit it off, Bud is certain that Candy will choose him on next week's show to accompany her on a dream date to Bermuda. Bud is disappointed when she chooses the show's handsome Latin Lover, and returns to find, much to his surprise, a host of available and willing women waiting for him.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Go for the Old

Married with Children

At first depressed when a theater cashier mistakes him for a senior citizen, Al reconsiders and sees the benefits to getting a senior citizen discount card. Al enters the Chicago Area Senior Athletic Championships much to the embarrassment of his family. Placing fifteenth at the end of the first day's events, Al becomes inspired by the memory of his high school football career. He struggles into second place and after debating whether or not it would be fair to steal the title from an old guy, he catches a glimpse of the trophy and snatches the victory for himself.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Movie Show

Married with Children

When the Bundy family is reminded that Kelly's birthday is coming up, Al seizes the opportunity to appear generous by offering to take her to the movies after Kelly's boyfriend, Frank, has already invited her out. Certain that Kelly would refuse, the Bundys are surprised when she cancels her date with Frank to join them. As they are settling into their seats at the theater, Kelly is shocked to find Frank out with another girl. Kelly confronts Frank about his unfaithfulness then sends Al over to beat him up.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

Animal Attraction

King of Queens, The

Doug ruins St. Valentine's Day when he cancels a dinner with Carrie to transport penguins to Albany.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

One with Monica & Chandler's Wedding Part 2, The

Friends

Monica remains blissfully unaware of the potential disasters on her wedding day. ELLIOTT GOULD, CHRISTINA PICKLES, MORGAN FAIRCHILD, GARY OLDMAN and KATHLEEN TURNER guest star.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Frogger, The

Seinfeld

Elaine eats Peterman's cake; Kramer helps George steal an arcade game.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Videotape, The

Friends

Ross reveals that he videotaped a sexual encounter between Rachel and him.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with the Stain, The

Friends

Rachel wants to find her own apartment. Phoebe is ecstatic when Eric dumps Ursula to date her.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Max Jets

American Dad

Roger announces Max Jets, a character of Roger's who enjoys showering the Smith family with money, is soon getting out of prison. But a wrench is thrown in the system when Max falls in love with Gina, a gold-digging waitress who threatens the family's inheritance.

TV-14

10:12 PM

One with the Videotape, The

Friends

Ross reveals that he videotaped a sexual encounter between Rachel and him.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

#JOLO (DVS)

Family Guy

Joe decides to become more spontaneous and independent, leaving Bonnie and quitting his job. This new Joe invites the guys on a road trip to Niagara Falls to celebrate.

TV-14

Thursday, Dec 14
12:12 AM

Launch Acceleration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When NASA reschedules Howard's mission and puts his wedding plans in jeopardy, he's forced to face his fears and Bernadette's dad (guest star CASEY SANDER).

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Date Night Variable, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the sixth season premiere, Howard discovers that he can't escape his mother -- even in space! Back on earth, meanwhile, Raj turns his existence as a third wheel into an art form.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Higgs Boson Observation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Amy's nervous when Sheldon hires Alex, a female assistant.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

December 13, 2017

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

TV-MA

4:12 AM

Date Night Variable, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the sixth season premiere, Howard discovers that he can't escape his mother -- even in space! Back on earth, meanwhile, Raj turns his existence as a third wheel into an art form.

TV-14

5:12 AM

Episode 81112

Conan

Guests: Owen Wilson, Flula Borg, Noah Gardenswartz

TV-14

6:12 AM

Ferret Royale (DVS)

Angie Tribeca

Illegal pet ferrets are leaking into California and the lieutenant could not be sicker about it. Tribeca and Geils follow a trail that naturally leads them to a high stakes poker game. The only problem? The Fish and Game Division is claiming jurisdiction.

TV-14

7:12 AM

Murder in the First Class (DVS)

Angie Tribeca

Another passenger arrives dead at LAX and the lieutenant has finally been diagnosed with bacterial meningitis. The gang goes undercover aboard an airplane to catch the killer in the act. The only problem? The lieutenant doesn't believe in antibiotics.

TV-14

8:12 AM

One with the Bomb, The (DVS)

Angie Tribeca

Geils has been kidnapped and the lieutenant is inches from death though you wouldn't know it from watching the episode. Tribeca will stop at nothing to save Geils before time runs out. The only problem? The 256 character limit on these descriptions makes i

TV-14

9:12 AM

Old Insurance Dodge

Married with Children

Upon reporting that the family's dilapidated 1974 Dodge has been stolen, Al is furious to find out that the insurance will only give him $50 for the car, so he decides to add a few priceless items to the list of things that were in the missing car's trunk. When the police show up and announce that they have found the old Dodge, Al insists that he is happier with his old car back, than he would be with the multi-million dollar settlement.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Proposition, The

Married with Children

When Coco, a cosmetic millionairess and former girlfriend of Al's, arrives she makes an indecent proposal by offering Peggy $500,000 for one night with Al. Though both Peg and Al have reservations about the proposal, they agree to do it for the children. However, after actually seeing Al in bed with Coco, Peggy reneges on the deal and returns Coco's check.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Hood 'n the Boyz

Married with Children

Al meets his girlfriend from when he was young, and a gang seems to be bothering her. Al feels he should help her with the problem.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Luck of the Bundys

Married with Children

Peg checks Al's horoscope and insists he's due for a stroke of good luck. But when good things actually start happening, Al gets a shrinking feeling that his luck won't last.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Queens' bro Bridge

King of Queens, The

Doug becomes excited when he learns Arthur inherited a house 10 years ago and may move.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Clothes Encounter

King of Queens, The

Carrie returns expensive clothes for a full refund after wearing them.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Clip Show Part 2, The

Seinfeld

Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with the Stripper, The

Friends

Rachel tells her belligerent father that she is pregnant with Ross' child.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Clothes Encounter

King of Queens, The

Carrie returns expensive clothes for a full refund after wearing them.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

One with the Secret Closet, The

Friends

Joey realizes his intense feelings for Rachel are excluding Ross from the joys of impending fatherhood.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Tea Leaves, The

Friends

Rachel devises a lie about her unborn child that she hopes will break the silence between her and Joey. Phoebe reads tea leaves and predicts she will soon encounter the man of her dreams.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with Joey's Interview, The

Friends

When Soap Opera Digest requests an interview, Joey enlists his friends to make sure he does not say anything that could cost him his role.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Switch, The

Seinfeld

Kramer's mom (Sheree North) reveals her son's name to George; guest Terry Sweeney.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Full Cognitive Redaction of Avery Bullock by the Coward Stan Smith, The

American Dad

Stan learns that the CIA wants to wipe out Bullock's memory after he exhibits signs of dementia; Roger hires Stelio Kontos to deal with a student who's bullying Steve at school.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Roasted Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

While watching a celebrity roast with Brian, Peter is inspired to throw a roast for himself, but it backfires when his friends go further then he expected. Hurt by what was said, Peter decides to seek out a new group of friends.

TV-14

Friday, Dec 15
12:12 AM

Missing Kink, The (DVS)

American Dad

Francine discovers she has a spanking fetish; Hayley goes out on a date with Snot.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Full Cognitive Redaction of Avery Bullock by the Coward Stan Smith, The

American Dad

Stan learns that the CIA wants to wipe out Bullock's memory after he exhibits signs of dementia; Roger hires Stelio Kontos to deal with a student who's bullying Steve at school.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Roasted Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

While watching a celebrity roast with Brian, Peter is inspired to throw a roast for himself, but it backfires when his friends go further then he expected. Hurt by what was said, Peter decides to seek out a new group of friends.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Chaperone, The

Seinfeld

Kramer chaperons Jerry's date with a beauty contestant; guest Ian Abercrombie.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Pledge Drive, The

Seinfeld

Jerry cashes old birthday checks from his grandmother.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Extract Obliteration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon's friendship with renowned scientist STEPHEN HAWKING is threatened by a game of "Words with Friends," while Penny secretly enrolls in a class at the local college.

TV-14

6:12 AM

43 Peculiarity, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard and Raj try to solve a mystery about Sheldon.

TV-PG

7:12 AM

Episode 81113

Conan

Guests: Jack Black, Kate Hudson

TV-14

8:12 AM

Episode 81113

Conan

Guests: Jack Black, Kate Hudson

TV-14

9:12 AM

No Chicken, No Check

Married with Children

Al quits lending his car to Kelly and Bud, who take matters into their own hands and purchase one to share. But when both make plans for the drive-in, they are forced to double date, with each trying to get the other out of the car.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Scared Single

Married with Children

Al tries to counsel a new employee against marriage.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

And the Story Telling Show (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline shares her riches-to-rags life story on stage at a storytelling night and captures the attention of a Hollywood studio executive. Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg search for a surrogate.

TV-14

12:12 PM

No Chicken, No Check

Married with Children

Al quits lending his car to Kelly and Bud, who take matters into their own hands and purchase one to share. But when both make plans for the drive-in, they are forced to double date, with each trying to get the other out of the car.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Scared Single

Married with Children

Al tries to counsel a new employee against marriage.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Dog Shelter

King of Queens, The

Carrie learns Doug's parents have been sheltering him by replacing his beloved dog with look-alikes.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Couch, The

Seinfeld

Elaine dates the guy who delivered Jerry's new couch.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

Bed Spread

King of Queens, The

Doug and Carrie borrow twin beds belonging to Deacon's children after their own bed breaks.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Dog Shelter

King of Queens, The

Carrie learns Doug's parents have been sheltering him by replacing his beloved dog with look-alikes.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Couch, The

Seinfeld

Elaine dates the guy who delivered Jerry's new couch.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Baby Shower, The

Friends

During her baby shower, Rachel realizes she is unprepared to be a mother and accepts her mother's offer to move in to help with the child.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One Where Rachel Is Late, The

Friends

Overdue Rachel tries everything to rush the delivery of her baby.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One Where Rachel Has a Baby Part 2, The

Friends

The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Poltergasm

American Dad

Steve and Roger discover that the house is haunted. The ghost appears as an apparition of a younger Francine. The ghost grows more powerful until it attacks Hayley's boyfriend and pulls him into the netherworld.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Take My Wife (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter and the guys are invited on a Bahamas couples' vacation with their wives. Upon arrival, their host reveals that they're at a couples' counseling retreat.

TV-14

Saturday, Dec 16
12:12 AM

Da Flippity Flop

American Dad

Klaus swaps bodies with Stan after discovering that his original human body is on ice at the CIA; after converting the attic into a gym, Roger attempts to convince Stan to sign up for a lifetime membership.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Fish Guts Displacement, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard bonds with his father-n-law on a fishing trip.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Take My Wife (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter and the guys are invited on a Bahamas couples' vacation with their wives. Upon arrival, their host reveals that they're at a couples' counseling retreat.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Soup, The

Seinfeld

Jerry regrets accepting a designer suit from an obnoxious comedian (Stephen Hytner).

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Fish Guts Displacement, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard bonds with his father-n-law on a fishing trip.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Egg Salad Equivalency, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is accused of sexual harassment at the University and winds up dragging Leonard, Raj and Howard into the fray.

TV-14

6:12 AM

ELeague Cup: Rocket League Rounds 3 & Semifinals

ELeague

TBS presents a 4-episode feature series documenting the game's most accomplished teams and players as they compete at the highest level, including their journey through The ELEAGUE Cup: Rocket League. (Part 3)

7:12 AM

Bruce Almighty (DVS)

Bruce Nolan is a local Eyewitness News TV reporter in Buffalo, New York, best known for doing human interest stories--which makes everyone happy but him. Bruce would much rather be replacing the soon-to-retire anchorman. Essentially, Bruce is disconnected with everything in his life and rarely misses an opportunity to complain about it. He has a loving girlfriend, Grace, who runs a day care center and adores Bruce in spite of his negativity. Bruce is handed a great opportunity when he's asked to do the 23rd anniversary of Niagra Falls' famed Maid of the Mist boat, which will air live during sweeps. But the mist hits the fan when it's announced on-air--just before Bruce goes live--that the co-anchor position, about to be vacated, is going to Bruce's superficial rival. In front of millions of viewers, Bruce has an on-camera meltdown, punctuated by a four-letter word not yet cleared for network television. On this worst day of Bruce's life, he's fired from the station, beaten up by a gang of toughs, and his car is vandalized. Furious, Bruce rails and rages against the Lord for his rotten luck--which is followed by a curious set of signs, one of which leads him to an old building called Omni Presents, Inc. There, Bruce meets a janitor who reveals himself to be who he really is. He's heard Bruce's complaints and now has an offer for the choleric newscaster. By endowing Bruce with all his powers, God challenges him to take on the job and see if he can do any better!

TV-PG

8:12 AM

Sofa So Good

Married with Children

Al and Peggy go away for awhile, and Kelly has her boyfriend over, who happens to ruin the couch. Bud and Kelly have to replace it before Al and Peggy come back.

TV-PG

9:12 AM

How Green Was My Apple

Married with Children

The Bundy's and the D'Arcys go to war over a property line dispute.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Kicker, The

Everybody Loves Raymond

Frank catches a record-setting football at a college game and refuses to return it to the kicker.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Sofa So Good

Married with Children

Al and Peggy go away for awhile, and Kelly has her boyfriend over, who happens to ruin the couch. Bud and Kelly have to replace it before Al and Peggy come back.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

How Green Was My Apple

Married with Children

The Bundy's and the D'Arcys go to war over a property line dispute.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Kicker, The

Everybody Loves Raymond

Frank catches a record-setting football at a college game and refuses to return it to the kicker.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Get Outta Dodge

Married with Children

When Al's old Dodge approaches the one million mark, the manufacturer offers to highlight it in a commercial in exchange for a brand new sports car.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Bruce Almighty (DVS)

Bruce Nolan is a local Eyewitness News TV reporter in Buffalo, New York, best known for doing human interest stories--which makes everyone happy but him. Bruce would much rather be replacing the soon-to-retire anchorman. Essentially, Bruce is disconnected with everything in his life and rarely misses an opportunity to complain about it. He has a loving girlfriend, Grace, who runs a day care center and adores Bruce in spite of his negativity. Bruce is handed a great opportunity when he's asked to do the 23rd anniversary of Niagra Falls' famed Maid of the Mist boat, which will air live during sweeps. But the mist hits the fan when it's announced on-air--just before Bruce goes live--that the co-anchor position, about to be vacated, is going to Bruce's superficial rival. In front of millions of viewers, Bruce has an on-camera meltdown, punctuated by a four-letter word not yet cleared for network television. On this worst day of Bruce's life, he's fired from the station, beaten up by a gang of toughs, and his car is vandalized. Furious, Bruce rails and rages against the Lord for his rotten luck--which is followed by a curious set of signs, one of which leads him to an old building called Omni Presents, Inc. There, Bruce meets a janitor who reveals himself to be who he really is. He's heard Bruce's complaints and now has an offer for the choleric newscaster. By endowing Bruce with all his powers, God challenges him to take on the job and see if he can do any better!

TV-PG

4:12 PM

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

Zohan, a top Israeli commando, fakes his own death in order to pursue his dream: becoming a hairstylist in New York. Though he wants to put his life of counter-terrorism behind him, he quickly finds it is not so easy to escape one's roots. As enemies old and new try to take him out, they will all come to learn the same thing: you don't mess with the Zohan.

TV-14

5:12 PM

Blue Streak (DVS)

Miles Logan is a professional jewel thief who is forced to hide $20 million worth of diamonds in a construction site when a heist goes bad. Logan is sent away to jail for three years. When he finally returns to the site, Logan finds that the area has become the new home of a Los Angeles police department precinct and decides that impersonating a detective may be the only way to retrieve his loot.

TV-14

7:12 PM

One with the Male Nanny, The

Friends

Ross ridicules Rachel's choice of a male nanny.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with Rachel's Phone Number, The

Friends

Rachel impulsively gives her telephone number to a handsome guy but worries he will call when Ross is there.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One with Phoebe's Rats, The

Friends

Monica invites Rachel's workplace rival to her birthday party; Joey flirts with Emma's new nanny; Phoebe and Mike take care of a litter of rats.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

One with the Male Nanny, The

Friends

Ross ridicules Rachel's choice of a male nanny.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

One with Rachel's Phone Number, The

Friends

Rachel impulsively gives her telephone number to a handsome guy but worries he will call when Ross is there.

TV-PG

Sunday, Dec 17
12:12 AM

One with Phoebe's Rats, The

Friends

Monica invites Rachel's workplace rival to her birthday party; Joey flirts with Emma's new nanny; Phoebe and Mike take care of a litter of rats.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Cooper, The/Kripke Inversion (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Outraged that he's being forced to work with his university nemesis, Barry Kripke (guest star JOHN ROSS BOWIE), Sheldon faces a crisis of conscience.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Lip Reader, The

Seinfeld

George enlists a lip-reader (Marlee Matlin) to learn why his girlfriend dumped him.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Non-Fat Yogurt, The

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine suspect Kramer's yogurt shop is causing their weight gain.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Denial (DVS)

Search Party

While the gang's distance grows, Dory drops in on Keith's funeral, Drew investigates the threatening flowers left at his work, Portia severs ties with her mother, Elliott endures group therapy at rehab, and Julian realizes Mary may be an imperfect role model.

TV-MA

5:12 AM

Use Your Brain and Make It Rain

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Michael Strahan shows us his hip hop moves, "Claws" star Karrueche Tran does the nails for the rich and famous, Method Man chews up the scenery, and Snoop drops some "pimpin' puzzles." A bodybuilding dancer and a blogging nerd spin the wheels for a chance at $25,000.

TV-14

6:12 AM

Contractual Obligation Implementation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard, Sheldon and Howard try to advance the cause of women in science by speaking with junior high girls about their future careers, while Raj plans his date with Lucy.

TV-PG

7:12 AM

Denial (DVS)

Search Party

While the gang's distance grows, Dory drops in on Keith's funeral, Drew investigates the threatening flowers left at his work, Portia severs ties with her mother, Elliott endures group therapy at rehab, and Julian realizes Mary may be an imperfect role model.

TV-MA

8:12 AM

Use Your Brain and Make It Rain

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Michael Strahan shows us his hip hop moves, "Claws" star Karrueche Tran does the nails for the rich and famous, Method Man chews up the scenery, and Snoop drops some "pimpin' puzzles." A bodybuilding dancer and a blogging nerd spin the wheels for a chance at $25,000.

TV-14

9:12 AM

And You Bet Your Ass (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline meets with studio writers in an effort to make her life story into a movie but she is torn when they reveal they would not portray Max in the project. Meanwhile, Max is spoiled by her new Hollywood beau.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Stefania Arrives

Everybody Loves Raymond

Robert gets a surprise visit from the woman he fell in love with when the Barones vacationed in Italy.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Slippery Slope

King of Queens, The

When Carrie discovers that her and Doug's ski weekend getaway was motivated by a promotion for a free plasma TV that Doug wants, her romantic mood sours.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Operation: Bobcat

New Girl

Valentine's Day finds Jess assuring the gang that she's a perfectly contented single, while Schmidt is in the running for a big promotion and Winston's proposal to Aly gets expedited.

TV-14

1:12 PM

Stefania Arrives

Everybody Loves Raymond

Robert gets a surprise visit from the woman he fell in love with when the Barones vacationed in Italy.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Slippery Slope

King of Queens, The

When Carrie discovers that her and Doug's ski weekend getaway was motivated by a promotion for a free plasma TV that Doug wants, her romantic mood sours.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Sight Gag

King of Queens, The

Doug's gift to Carrie of corneal surgery results in her temporary blindness.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

True Lies

Marital problems plague an international spy who works for Omega Sector, a top-secret government agency charged with the intervention of nuclear terrorism.

TV-14

5:12 PM

Hulk, The

Scientist Bruce Banner has, to put it mildly, anger management issues. His quiet life as a brilliant researcher working with cutting edge genetic technology conceals a nearly forgotten and painful past. His ex-girlfriend and fellow researcher, Betty Ross, has grown tired of Bruce's cordoned off emotional terrain and resigns herself to remaining an interested onlooker to his quiet life--until a simple oversight in the lab leads to an explosive situation in which Bruce heroically saves a life by absorbing a normally deadly dose of gamma radiation. Believing himself to have emerged from the accident unscathed, Bruce can't deny he's experiencing some strange side effects--including blackouts and the feeling that there is some kind of strange and dark, yet attractive, presence within him. All the while an impossibly strong, rampaging creature, who comes to be known as the Hulk, continues its sporadic appearances, cutting a swath of destruction in his wake. But Betty Ross has her theories, she knows the shadowy figure lurking in the background, Bruce's father David, is somehow connected. She may be the only one who understands the link between the scientist and the Hulk, but her efforts may be too late to save both man and creature.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

True Lies

Marital problems plague an international spy who works for Omega Sector, a top-secret government agency charged with the intervention of nuclear terrorism.

TV-14

10:12 PM

Horrible Bosses 2 (DVS)

Fed up with answering to higher-ups, Nick, Dale and Kurt decide to become their own bosses by launching their own business. But a slick investor soon pulls the rug out from under them. Outplayed and desperate, and without legal recourse, the three would-be entrepreneurs hatch a misguided plan to kidnap the investor's adult son and ransom him to regain control of their company.

TV-14

Monday, Dec 18
12:12 AM

Application Deterioration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard reconsiders entering into a legal partnership with Leonard and Sheldon regarding the patent for the infinite persistence gyroscope. Also, the women offer Raj dating advice after Emily reaches out to him following their breakup.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Big Bear Precipitation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon shares a secret about Leonard when the two go on a weekend trip with Penny and Amy; Raj goes all out with pregnancy gifts.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Long Distance Dissonance, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the Season 10 finale, Sheldon's former admirer, Dr. Ramona Nowitzki, turns up while Amy is visiting Princeton, and the gang is extremely concerned.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Application Deterioration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard reconsiders entering into a legal partnership with Leonard and Sheldon regarding the patent for the infinite persistence gyroscope. Also, the women offer Raj dating advice after Emily reaches out to him following their breakup.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Big Bear Precipitation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon shares a secret about Leonard when the two go on a weekend trip with Penny and Amy; Raj goes all out with pregnancy gifts.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Long Distance Dissonance, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the Season 10 finale, Sheldon's former admirer, Dr. Ramona Nowitzki, turns up while Amy is visiting Princeton, and the gang is extremely concerned.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Psychosis (DVS)

Search Party

The gang ties up loose ends in their lives before facing the sobering reality that they might all go to jail by midnight, leaving it up to Dory to figure something out.

TV-MA

7:12 AM

Psychosis (DVS)

Search Party

The gang ties up loose ends in their lives before facing the sobering reality that they might all go to jail by midnight, leaving it up to Dory to figure something out.

TV-MA

8:12 AM

Bourne Identity, The (DVS)

The spy thriller opens as an amnesiac is rescued at sea by the crew of an Italian fishing boat. Nearly dead, he carries nothing but the bullets in his back and a bank account number embedded in his hip. Although completely without identity or background, he possesses an array of extraordinary talents in fighting, linguistics and self-defense that speaks of a dangerous past. In the present, he is disoriented and wary as he is propelled into an urgent search to discover who he is and why his life has taken a perilous turn. A Zurich safe deposit box yields an assortment of passports, a hefty load of cash, an automatic weapon and a name--Jason Bourne--with a Paris address. What it means remains a mystery, but Bourne quickly realizes that although he knows no one, there are people who recognize him--and do not wish him well. When he meets Marie Kreutz, a hard-luck German-born wanderer, he makes a desperate pitch--$10,000 for a ride to Paris. Despite her reservations, Marie takes the cash and begins a journey with Bourne that changes her life forever. The trail of Jason Bourne's past snakes from Europe to CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia, where Treadstone, a clandestine operation is based. As Bourne and Marie struggle to stay below the radar in France, all of the stealthy muscle of Treadstone is focused on tracking them and neutralizing Bourne as quickly and efficiently as possible.

TV-14

9:12 AM

Rumspringa

New Girl

Nick and Schmidt plan a relaxing day trip for Jess, who is nervous about taking over as principal, but the outing takes a surprise turn. Cece helps Winston try to finalize his divorce from Rhonda, but gets caught in the middle of a series of never-ending pranks involving him and Aly.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Bourne Supremacy, The

Two years ago, Jason Bourne thought he had walked away from his past. But now, his past is about to return. Bourne and Marie have maintained their anonymous, underground existence at the cost of permanence. Fueled by splintered nightmares and haunted by the past he cannot remember, Bourne moves Marie from city to city, trying to remain one step ahead of the threat implicit in every unexplained stranger's glance, every "wrong number" phone call--that at any second, without any warning, he might get pulled back into the world he hopes he left behind. When an operative appears in the sleepy village that has been their latest home, Bourne and Marie collapse their lives and head out. His past at the door, their only chance now is to run. But once a line is crossed and the stakes in a new global game of cat-and-mouse are raised, the Jason Bourne created by Treadstone--the covert, now dismantled operation that spawned cold-blooded, professional assassins--returns. Two years ago, Bourne walked away from the deadly world that created him with a promise of retaliation should anyone attempt contact. Now that that world has indeed come calling, Bourne intends to keep his word. They should have left him alone.

TV-14

11:12 AM

Ride Scare

Married with Children

Al becomes an environmental hero and celebrity.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Rumspringa

New Girl

Nick and Schmidt plan a relaxing day trip for Jess, who is nervous about taking over as principal, but the outing takes a surprise turn. Cece helps Winston try to finalize his divorce from Rhonda, but gets caught in the middle of a series of never-ending pranks involving him and Aly.

TV-14

1:12 PM

One with the Lottery, The

Friends

The gang buys scads of lottery tickets for the multimillion-dollar jackpot.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

One with the Soap Opera Party, The

Friends

Ross invites an attractive paleontologist to a rooftop Days of Our Lives party being thrown by Joey.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

One with the Donor, The

Friends

Monica and Chandler interview unsuspecting candidates, hoping to find the right man to father their baby.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One in Barbados Part 2, The

Friends

The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike is not yet out of the picture.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

One with the Soap Opera Party, The

Friends

Ross invites an attractive paleontologist to a rooftop Days of Our Lives party being thrown by Joey.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Crotchwalkers

American Dad

In a desperate attempt to show Steve that she's still a cool mom, Francine teaches him a vast array of shoplifting techniques to try out at the local mall.

TV-14

7:12 PM

One in Barbados Part 2, The

Friends

The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike is not yet out of the picture.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

Cleveland Brown Christmas, A

Cleveland Show, The

Cleveland discovers that Donna has been lying to Rallo as to why Robert never shows up for Christmas...and makes it his mission to reconnect father and son.

TV-14

9:12 PM

Midday Run

Bob's Burgers

When Tina is up for a big hall monitor promotion, she is determined to do whatever it takes to nab the powerful job, so she enlists the help of Gene and Louise. Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, Linda gets artsy and begins to decorate the walls with customer artwork on napkins.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Independent Movie (DVS)

American Dad

Snot's father dies but Snot refuses to go to the funeral. Steve convinces Snot to take a road trip across the country to attend.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Guy, Robot (DVS)

Family Guy

Brian decides to do stand up comedy, but when his set begins to tank, he starts stealing Stewie's Twitter material.

TV-14

Tuesday, Dec 19
12:12 AM

Peter, Chris, & Brian (DVS)

Family Guy

After learning his childhood home has finally been sold after his mother's death, Peter and the gang plan on breaking in to retrieve Peter's old porn video collection.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Pilling Them Softly (DVS)

Family Guy

After Quagmire shows off his cooking skills to the gang, Lois suggests that he audition for Channel 5's new cooking show.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Saturated Fat Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

After watching a documentary about the dangers of food, Lois decides to change the family's eating habits to a healthier one. Peter tries quinoa for the first time and his body immediately begins to reject it.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Peter, Chris, & Brian (DVS)

Family Guy

After learning his childhood home has finally been sold after his mother's death, Peter and the gang plan on breaking in to retrieve Peter's old porn video collection.

TV-14

4:12 AM

Dating Game, The (DVS)

Family Guy

When the Medieval Castle comes up for auction, Peter and the gang try to purchase it for "castle fun". After putting up a "mystery" paper bag containing nine thousand dollars, they end up losing the auction to Mayor West.

TV-14

5:12 AM

Saturated Fat Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

After watching a documentary about the dangers of food, Lois decides to change the family's eating habits to a healthier one. Peter tries quinoa for the first time and his body immediately begins to reject it.

TV-14

6:12 AM

And the Pity Party Bus (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline signs away the rights to her life story so it can be turned into a movie. Meanwhile, Max is heartbroken when Randy breaks up with her via his therapist, so Caroline rents a party bus in an attempt to cheer her up.

TV-14

7:12 AM

And the Loophole (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

The girls look for a bigger space for their dessert bar, so Han refers them to a realtor who has a crush on him; Max is surprised when Randy wants to mend their relationship.

TV-14

8:12 AM

And the Partnership Hits the Fan (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

A Law firm that's courting Randy for a job invites him and Max to dinner at a hip new restaurant with eclectic cuisine, but the evening veers off course when things don't sit well with Max.

TV-14

9:12 AM

And the Pity Party Bus (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline signs away the rights to her life story so it can be turned into a movie. Meanwhile, Max is heartbroken when Randy breaks up with her via his therapist, so Caroline rents a party bus in an attempt to cheer her up.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Shoeway to Heaven

Married with Children

Al and Jefferson become vintage shoe entrepreneurs.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

And the Partnership Hits the Fan (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

A Law firm that's courting Randy for a job invites him and Max to dinner at a hip new restaurant with eclectic cuisine, but the evening veers off course when things don't sit well with Max.

TV-14

12:12 PM

Al Goes Deep

Married with Children

A football star's romance with Kelly jeopardizes Jefferson's lifesaving wager on a big game.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

King Pong

King of Queens, The

After losing to Carrie, Doug asks Arthur to help him improve his pingpong game.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Kelly Breaks Out

Married with Children

An untimely pimple threatens Kelly's acting career.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Label Maker, The

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine are suspicious of a friend's gifts; guest Jessica Tuck.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One After Joey and Rachel Kiss, The

Friends

In Barbados, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe eavesdrop on their friends' passionate encounters; Monica styles her hair to look like a blowfish; Phoebe and Mike rekindle their romance.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Dougie Houser

King of Queens, The

Carrie reminds Doug of a past incident when he wants to buy a chainsaw from an infomercial.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Postponement, The

Seinfeld

Feeling overwhelmed, George wants to postpone marrying Susan.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

Wink, The

Seinfeld

An uncontrollable wink creates problems for George and Kramer.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with Ross's Tan, The

Friends

Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Familyland

American Dad

The Smith family goes to Familyland theme park for vacation. Francine wants the family to spend the day together, but the individual members go their separate ways. Francine cries in front of a statue of the park's founder, Roy Family, and awakens Roy from a deep slumber.

TV-14

10:12 PM

Introducing the Naughty Stewardesses

American Dad

Stan takes Francine on a surprise trip to Sacramento, but Francine is bored. They meet the Naughty Stewardesses, four women who use their status as flight attendants to find love and adventure.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Hurricane, The

Cleveland Show, The

Cleveland and his family become trapped in the house without food when a hurricane ravages Stoolbend; Cleveland Jr. announces that he does not believe in God.

TV-14

Wednesday, Dec 20
12:12 AM

Tenure Turbulence, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard, Sheldon and Raj fight for tenure at the University.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Proton Resurgence, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard and Sheldon hire Professor Proton (guest star BOB NEWHART), the host of their favorite childhood TV show to perform. Raj leaves his dog with Howard and Bernadette.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Scammed Yankees (DVS)

Family Guy

With Lois and her mother Babs out at the spa, Peter is forced to spend the afternoon her father, Carter. The two are quickly sucked into a "promising" online deal involving loaning a large sum of money to a Nigerian prince.

TV-14

3:12 AM

David Arquette vs. Brian Tyree Henry and Jesse Tyler Ferguson vs. Chrissy Metz

Drop the Mic

Actor David Arquette puts his rap skills to the test against Atlanta's own Paper Boi, Brian Tyree Henry, while Modern Family's Jesse Tyler Ferguson raps for the very first time in a battle against This Is Us breakout star, Chrissy Metz.

TV-14

4:12 AM

Proton Resurgence, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard and Sheldon hire Professor Proton (guest star BOB NEWHART), the host of their favorite childhood TV show to perform. Raj leaves his dog with Howard and Bernadette.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Episode 81099

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: Keegan-Michael Key

TV-14

6:12 AM

Replacements, The (DVS)

Shane "Footsteps" Falco is a disillusioned football player who believes his dreams have all but dissipated. Once a red-hot All American prospect, Shane now regrets ever believing that the NFL would draft him. However, fate takes a strange twist for Shane when during the 1997 NFL season, a player's strike leaves the fields (and stadiums) empty, leaving team owners scrambling to fill uniforms as fast as possible. When the Washington Sentinels bring back the contentious and self-retired head coach Jimmy McGinty to seek out players who will play with their hearts rather than their wallets, he picks Shane to lead his mismatched crew of outsiders through the strike. To everyone's surprise, the ragtag team goes on an unprecedented winning streak as they discover in themselves the ability to hope for more than they ever thought possible maybe even the playoffs, which has been denied to the Sentinels for seven years.

TV-14

7:12 AM

Episode 81099

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: Keegan-Michael Key

TV-14

8:12 AM

Episode 81099

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: Keegan-Michael Key

TV-14

9:12 AM

Sleepless in Chicago

Married with Children

Al must sleep with Marcy so that Jefferson can cash in her valuable Barbie doll.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Dud Bowl

Married with Children

Al reunites his old high school football team to play the championship game that never was.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

I Want My Psycho Dad Part 1

Married with Children

Al protests the cancellation of his favorite TV show.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Naked and the Dead, but Mostly the Naked, The

Married with Children

Al and his friends are forced to take their wives to a strip club.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Dud Bowl

Married with Children

Al reunites his old high school football team to play the championship game that never was.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Net Prophets

King of Queens, The

Carrie insists on using her Christmas bonus to invest in Internet stock.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Beard, The

Seinfeld

Elaine tries to change a gay man; George and his date have similar problems.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One Where the Stripper Cries, The

Friends

Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on $100,000 Pyramid. Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper for Phoebe's bachelorette party.

TV-14

5:12 PM

One Where Joey Speaks French, The

Friends

Monica and Chandler show Erica the sights but also learn their baby's biological father might be an unsavory character. Joey begs Phoebe to teach him how to speak French before an audition.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

One Where Estelle Dies, The

Friends

Ross tries to win back Rachel's job with her former fashion employer. Phoebe tries to keep Joey from learning about his agent's death; Monica and Chandler make a horrifying discovery.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

Last One Part 1, The

Friends

The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

Skip Day

Cleveland Show, The

Cleveland is stunned to discover that Junior is stronger than he is; Lester vows revenge after Kendra is injured in a hit-and-run accident.unaware that Rallo is to blame.

TV-14

9:12 PM

Soup Nazi, The

Seinfeld

Jerry's favorite soup vendor won't serve his new girlfriend (Alexandra Wentworth).

TV-PG

10:12 PM

She Swill Survive (DVS)

American Dad

Stan is tired of Hayley being lazy and unemployed, so he forces her to take a job in Roger's bar. Deputy Director Bullock is a regular at the bar, and he confesses his secrets to Hayley.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Skip Day

Cleveland Show, The

Cleveland is stunned to discover that Junior is stronger than he is; Lester vows revenge after Kendra is injured in a hit-and-run accident.unaware that Rallo is to blame.

TV-14

Thursday, Dec 21
12:12 AM

Deception Verification, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard returns from the North Sea expedition and finds things chilly between him and Sheldon, while Howard's relationship with his mother opens the door to questions about his masculinity.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Raiders Minimization, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is fit to be tied when Amy ruins one of his favorite adventure films, while Leonard finds the key to getting Penny to do his bidding, and Raj & Stuart get creative with their online-dating profiles.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Underage Peter (DVS)

Family Guy

A drunk Peter drinks water from a fire hydrant; but when the water overflows, Peter ends up destroying the public library. As a result of Peter's drunken hijinks, Major Adam West raises the legal drinking age to fifty.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Deception Verification, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard returns from the North Sea expedition and finds things chilly between him and Sheldon, while Howard's relationship with his mother opens the door to questions about his masculinity.

TV-14

4:12 AM

Raiders Minimization, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is fit to be tied when Amy ruins one of his favorite adventure films, while Leonard finds the key to getting Penny to do his bidding, and Raj & Stuart get creative with their online-dating profiles.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Romance Resonance, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon makes a major scientific breakthrough, but he feels it may haunt him for the rest of career. Meanwhile, Howard makes a grand romantic gesture to Bernadette, which causes Penny to put more effort into her relationship with Leonard.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

December 20, 2017

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

TV-MA

7:12 AM

Tank, The

Detour, The

The Parkers are barely back on the road when Nate gets pulled over for driving under the influence. He's completely sober but somehow there's still some jail time involved.

TV-MA

8:12 AM

Episode 81100

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: President Bill Clinton, Jack Whitehall

TV-14

9:12 AM

25 Years and What Do You Get?

Married with Children

Al and Peggy plans and good intentions or their 25th wedding anniversary are upset.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Ship Happens Part 2

Married with Children

After the sinking of their cruise ship, the Bundys and D'Arcys are left to fend for themselves at sea.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

And Bingo Was Her Game-O

Married with Children

Peggy is invited to play in a big bingo tournament; Al and his friends set out to choose No Ma'am's new official beer.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

25 Years and What Do You Get?

Married with Children

Al and Peggy plans and good intentions or their 25th wedding anniversary are upset.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Better Camera

King of Queens, The

Doug surprises Carrie with a new camera for Christmas.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Mentalo Case

King of Queens, The

Doug recalls his childhood toy Mentalo; Arthur sends Holly to find the perfect gift for his daughter.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Doodle, The

Seinfeld

Fleas force Jerry and his parents out of his apartment; guest Christa Miller.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with the Sonogram, The

Friends

Ross is stunned to learn his ex-wife is pregnant with their child. Monica's dinner for her overly critical parents is a disaster.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

One with George Stephanopoulos, The

Friends

While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Doodle, The

Seinfeld

Fleas force Jerry and his parents out of his apartment; guest Christa Miller.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

Seven, The

Seinfeld

Jerry's girlfriend (Lisa Deanne) wears the same dress; Elaine loses a bike to Kramer.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with George Stephanopoulos, The

Friends

While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Permanent Record Wrecker (DVS)

American Dad

Stan is laid off from work and has to search for a job for the first time in over twenty years. When he applies for jobs, Stan learns that his permanent record has been wiped clean of his C.I.A. experience and no one wants to hire him.

TV-14

10:12 PM

Longest Distance Relationship, The

American Dad

Hayley is injured in a fire and while she is in the hospital she meets Millionaire Matt Davis. As Hayley and Matt fall in love, Steve discovers Jeff Fischer is still alive in outer space. Jeff and Hayley communicate via an old CB radio and Jeff asks Hayley to stay true to him while he finds a way back to Earth.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Heartbreak Dog, The (DVS)

Family Guy

During a birthday party for Bonnie at the Swanson's, Brian spots Bonnie sitting alone in her bedroom looking very sad. She opens up to Brian, telling him that she feels like she's wasted much of her adult life taking care of Joe.

TV-14

Friday, Dec 22
12:12 AM

Understudy, The

Seinfeld

George is suspected of injuring Bette Midler in a softball game.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Longest Distance Relationship, The

American Dad

Hayley is injured in a fire and while she is in the hospital she meets Millionaire Matt Davis. As Hayley and Matt fall in love, Steve discovers Jeff Fischer is still alive in outer space. Jeff and Hayley communicate via an old CB radio and Jeff asks Hayley to stay true to him while he finds a way back to Earth.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Heartbreak Dog, The (DVS)

Family Guy

During a birthday party for Bonnie at the Swanson's, Brian spots Bonnie sitting alone in her bedroom looking very sad. She opens up to Brian, telling him that she feels like she's wasted much of her adult life taking care of Joe.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Cooper Extraction, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

With Sheldon in Texas, the gang gathers to decorate for Christmas, and they contemplate if each would have had a wonderful life had they never met him.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Highlights of a Hundred Part 2

Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Thanksgiving Decoupling, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard's mother has a say when he and Bernadette host Thanksgiving dinner for the gang.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Project X

Three high school seniors attempt to make a name for themselves by throwing one unforgettable house party. As word spread, the party takes on a life of its own and before the night is over, dreams are ruined, records are blemished and legends are born.

TV-14

7:12 AM

Episode 81101

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: The Cast of Daddy's Home 2 starring Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Mel Gibson, John Lithgow, and comedian Jon Dore

TV-14

8:12 AM

And the Big Gamble (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

In the season 5 finale, Max and Caroline learn Han is in trouble with a gang when he can't pay a substantial debt he amassed from gambling on women's tennis.

TV-14

9:12 AM

Project X

Three high school seniors attempt to make a name for themselves by throwing one unforgettable house party. As word spread, the party takes on a life of its own and before the night is over, dreams are ruined, records are blemished and legends are born.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner

Married with Children

When Bud decides to move out, Peggy's mother arrives to stay.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

It's a Bundyful Life Part 1

Married with Children

Despite his rare good intentions, Al fails to make it to the bank in time to withdraw his Christmas Club money, and the Bundy family is destined to go presentless, again, unless Al can find a way to make some quick cash.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Christmas

Married with Children

Al does his yearly pre-Christmas inspection of the family and can find they've done nothing wrong, which means he has to buy them presents but he has to take a job as a Department Store Santa to pay for the gifts.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Santa Claustrophobia

King of Queens, The

Carrie drives Doug crazy when she takes a part-time job at IPS during the holiday season; Arthur tries to bring everyone together for a Christmas portrait.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

It's a Bundyful Life Part 1

Married with Children

Despite his rare good intentions, Al fails to make it to the bank in time to withdraw his Christmas Club money, and the Bundy family is destined to go presentless, again, unless Al can find a way to make some quick cash.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Christmas

Married with Children

Al does his yearly pre-Christmas inspection of the family and can find they've done nothing wrong, which means he has to buy them presents but he has to take a job as a Department Store Santa to pay for the gifts.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with Phoebe's Dad, The

Friends

Phoebe learns the surprising truth about her father. Ross makes Monica's Christmas party guests miserable.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

One with the Girl from Poughkeepsie, The

Friends

Ross struggles to maintain a long-distance relationship. Chandler tries to get a date for Rachel. Monica schemes to establish authority at her new restaurant job.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Pick, The

Seinfeld

Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Holiday Armadillo, The

Friends

Ross teaches Ben about Chanukah. Phoebe worries that Rachel prefers living with Joey .

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with the Ross' Step Forward, The

Friends

Ross' new girlfriend orders Christmas cards with a photo of them on the cover.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One with the Routine, The

Friends

Joey plots the perfect opportunity to kiss Janine. Ross and Monica resurrect their dorky high school dance routine for a television special.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Andrea Doria, The

Seinfeld

George wants a better apartment; Jerry learns Newman is hiding mail.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

Die Semi-Hard

Cleveland Show, The

As Christmas approaches, Cleveland tells the family his version of the original "Die Hard."

TV-14

Saturday, Dec 23
12:12 AM

Bath Item Gift Hypothesis, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon irks the gangs with his obsession with proper Christmas gift protocol. Leonard's crushed when Penny dates a colleague of his.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Santa Simulation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon unwillingly revisits some Christmas memories during a lively game of Dungeons and Dragons, while Raj joins the girls for ladies night out.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Clean Room Infiltration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On Christmas Eve, Amy plans a traditional Victorian dinner, while Raj, Leonard and Howard scramble to remove a pigeon that flew into the clean room at the university.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Bath Item Gift Hypothesis, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon irks the gangs with his obsession with proper Christmas gift protocol. Leonard's crushed when Penny dates a colleague of his.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Santa Simulation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon unwillingly revisits some Christmas memories during a lively game of Dungeons and Dragons, while Raj joins the girls for ladies night out.

TV-14

5:12 AM

Clean Room Infiltration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On Christmas Eve, Amy plans a traditional Victorian dinner, while Raj, Leonard and Howard scramble to remove a pigeon that flew into the clean room at the university.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Special (DVS)

Surprise! Instant Xmas Carol!

Celebrity carolers from across the entertainment spectrum hit the road in search of people who look like they could use a little extra holiday cheer. They then surprise their listeners with their own unique renditions of a classic Christmas carol; some good, some bad and some...well, you know. The result is a holiday special packed with unforgettable songs performed in often wild and unpredictable situations.

TV-14

7:12 AM

David Arquette vs. Brian Tyree Henry and Jesse Tyler Ferguson vs. Chrissy Metz

Drop the Mic

Actor David Arquette puts his rap skills to the test against Atlanta's own Paper Boi, Brian Tyree Henry, while Modern Family's Jesse Tyler Ferguson raps for the very first time in a battle against This Is Us breakout star, Chrissy Metz.

TV-14

8:12 AM

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

Archaeologist and explorer extraordinaire, Lara Croft, journeys to a temple which has sunken underwater in search of lost treasures. During her expedition, Croft happens upon a sphere that contains the mythical Pandora's Box, only to have it stolen from her by Chen Lo, the leader of a Chinese crime syndicate. Chen Lo is in league with a bad guy named Reiss, who wants to use the priceless Box as a doomsday weapon.

TV-14

9:12 AM

Tron: Legacy (DVS)

Sam Flynn, a rebellious 27-year-old, is haunted by the mysterious disappearance of his father Kevin Flynn, a man once known as the world's leading video-game developer. When Sam investigates a strange signal sent from the old Flynn's Arcade, a signal that could only come from his father, he finds himself pulled into a digital world where Kevin has been trapped for 20 years. With the help of the fearless warrior Quorra, father and son embark on a life and-death journey across a cyber universe created by Kevin himself that has become far more advanced with never-before-imagined vehicles, weapons, landscapes and a ruthless villain who will stop at nothing to prevent their escape.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Worst Noel, The

Married with Children

On Christmas Eve, Kelly and Bud try to sneak in a jukebox to give to their parents who spend the entire show sitting in front of their TV set arguing with each other over the proper speed for channel switching. Also, Marcy and Jefferson throw a wild Christmas party next door and do not tell Al about it.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

God Help Ye Merry Bundymen

Married with Children

As Al and Griff lose their jobs on Christmas Eve, Marcy and Jefferson's entry in a neighborhood contest is sabotaged by Kelly and Bud.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Just Like Heaven

When David sublets his quaint San Francisco apartment, the last thing he expects--or wants--is a roommate. He begins to make a complete mess of the place when a pretty young woman, named Elizabeth, suddenly shows up, adamantly insisting the apartment is hers. David assumes that there's been a giant misunderstanding, until Elizabeth disappears just as mysteriously as she had appeared. Changing the locks does nothing to deter Elizabeth, who begins to appear and disappear at will--mostly to rebuke David for his personal living habits in her apartment. Convinced that she is a ghost, David tries to help Elizabeth cross over to the "other side." But while Elizabeth has discovered she does have a distinctly ethereal quality--she can walk through walls--she is equally convinced that she is somehow still alive and isn't crossing over anywhere. As Elizabeth and David search for the truth about who Elizabeth is and how she came to be in her present state, their relationship deepens into love. Unfortunately, they have very little time before their prospects for a future together permanently fade away.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Worst Noel, The

Married with Children

On Christmas Eve, Kelly and Bud try to sneak in a jukebox to give to their parents who spend the entire show sitting in front of their TV set arguing with each other over the proper speed for channel switching. Also, Marcy and Jefferson throw a wild Christmas party next door and do not tell Al about it.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

God Help Ye Merry Bundymen

Married with Children

As Al and Griff lose their jobs on Christmas Eve, Marcy and Jefferson's entry in a neighborhood contest is sabotaged by Kelly and Bud.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

Just Like Heaven

When David sublets his quaint San Francisco apartment, the last thing he expects--or wants--is a roommate. He begins to make a complete mess of the place when a pretty young woman, named Elizabeth, suddenly shows up, adamantly insisting the apartment is hers. David assumes that there's been a giant misunderstanding, until Elizabeth disappears just as mysteriously as she had appeared. Changing the locks does nothing to deter Elizabeth, who begins to appear and disappear at will--mostly to rebuke David for his personal living habits in her apartment. Convinced that she is a ghost, David tries to help Elizabeth cross over to the "other side." But while Elizabeth has discovered she does have a distinctly ethereal quality--she can walk through walls--she is equally convinced that she is somehow still alive and isn't crossing over anywhere. As Elizabeth and David search for the truth about who Elizabeth is and how she came to be in her present state, their relationship deepens into love. Unfortunately, they have very little time before their prospects for a future together permanently fade away.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Never Been Kissed

A copy editor in her early twenties gets her chance to become a reporter at a Chicago daily. Her first assignment consists of a feature on what cool high school students are doing. In order to uncover the life of the hip high schoolers, she must go undercover as a student herself. Meanwhile, her slacker brother decides to go back to the same high school in hopes of getting a second chance at being noticed by major-league baseball scouts.

TV-14

6:12 PM

Hot Pursuit

Strait-laced Officer Cooper is honored and thrilled to be assigned the seemingly simple task of escorting mob wife Daniella Riva across Texas, where she and her husband will testify against a major drug lord. It's a rare day out of the property room, and the intensely enthusiastic petite policewoman vows not to let her captain down. Having already earned the unfortunate distinction of prompting her own verb within the precinct, she is determined not to Cooper it this time. However, upon meeting the dynamic Mrs. Riva-a curvaceous Colombian beauty with opinions as strong as her accent-it's clear this will be no walk in the park.

TV-14

7:12 PM

One Where Rachel Quits, The

Friends

Rachel wonders if she'll ever get another job after she quits Central Perk. Joey's new job selling Christmas trees upsets Phoebe. Ross breaks a little girl's leg.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with the Inappropriate Sister, The

Friends

A bored Ross creates havoc in Joey and Chandler's lives. Rachel is disturbed by her date's inappropriate relationship with his sister.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One with All the Candy, The

Friends

Rachel gets in trouble for dating her assistant. Monica tries to become friendlier with her neighbors. Phoebe needs lessons in riding a bike.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

One Where Rachel Quits, The

Friends

Rachel wonders if she'll ever get another job after she quits Central Perk. Joey's new job selling Christmas trees upsets Phoebe. Ross breaks a little girl's leg.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

Pick, The

Seinfeld

Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.

TV-PG

Sunday, Dec 24
12:12 AM

One with All the Candy, The

Friends

Rachel gets in trouble for dating her assistant. Monica tries to become friendlier with her neighbors. Phoebe needs lessons in riding a bike.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

One with Christmas in Tulsa, The

Friends

Monica fears the worst when she learns Chandler will be spending Christmas in Tulsa working on a deadline with a beautiful co-worker.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Pick, The

Seinfeld

Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Gum, The

Seinfeld

Kramer complicates Jerry's quest to locate a special brand of Chinese gum.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Hesitation Ramification, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny turns to Leonard for comfort after her guest appearance on NCIS does not turn out well. She ends up putting Leonard on the spot regarding their relationship. Sheldon works on his sense of humor and Raj practices talking to girls.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Convention Conundrum, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Unable to score tickets for Comic-Con, Sheldon decides to stage his own comic-book convention, while the ladies attempt to act like grown ups.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Table Polarization, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard's purchase of a dining-room table for the apartment doesn't sit well with Sheldon, so much so that it forces him to reevaluate his life. Meanwhile, Bernadette isn't quite over the moon about Howard taking another trip to space.

TV-PG

7:12 AM

Frenzy (DVS)

Search Party

The gang must get sixty thousand dollars to their blackmailer, leading to a day of cat food tins, mistaken identities, and tasers. On the other side of town, Joy follows Fat Franky, which does not end as anticipated.

TV-MA

8:12 AM

Game for Playas, The

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Snoop gets deep and asks us which celebrity is a "crazy-eyed mofo." A math teacher and a personal trainer spin the wheels for a chance to win $25,000.

TV-14

9:12 AM

And the High Holidays (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Desperate for a way to pay their overdue rent, Max and Caroline get involved with a group of sketchy customers willing to pay top dollar for their cupcakes.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Christmas Present

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray buys an elaborate Christmas gift for Debra.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Net Prophets

King of Queens, The

Carrie insists on using her Christmas bonus to invest in Internet stock.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

All I Want for Christmas

Everybody Loves Raymond

A romantic Christmas morning ends when Ray's family bursts in for eggs Florentine and unwrapping gifts.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Christmas Present

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray buys an elaborate Christmas gift for Debra.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

One with Phoebe's Dad, The

Friends

Phoebe learns the surprising truth about her father. Ross makes Monica's Christmas party guests miserable.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with the Holiday Armadillo, The

Friends

Ross teaches Ben about Chanukah. Phoebe worries that Rachel prefers living with Joey .

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Kicking & Screaming

Phil Weston is an average Joe who's had to put up all his life with his overly competitive father, Buck. When Phil decides to coach his 10-year-old son's soccer team, he goes head-to-head for the league championship against Buck, who coaches his own young son on the preeminent team of the league. Old scores come into play as Phil and Buck find themselves going to extreme measures to win the championship trophy.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat

Conrad and Sally Walden (Spencer Breslin and Dakota Fanning) are home alone with their pet fish. It is raining outside, and there is nothing to do. Until "The Cat in the Hat" (Mike Myers) walks in the front door. He introduces them to their imagination, and at first it's all fun and games, until things get out of hand, and The Cat must go, go, go, before their parents get back.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (DVS)

The exhibits at New York's Natural History Museum come to life at night, and when they start behaving strangely, Larry, newly-promoted director of nighttime operations, must find out why. The Tablet, which magically brings the creatures to life, has started to decay and the only method of restoring is available at the British Museum. In order to save his museum "family," Larry, his son Nick and the museum exhibits, travel from New York to London, to discover the Tablet's secret.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Kicking & Screaming

Phil Weston is an average Joe who's had to put up all his life with his overly competitive father, Buck. When Phil decides to coach his 10-year-old son's soccer team, he goes head-to-head for the league championship against Buck, who coaches his own young son on the preeminent team of the league. Old scores come into play as Phil and Buck find themselves going to extreme measures to win the championship trophy.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Pacifier, The (DVS)

Assigned to protect the endangered children of an assassinated scientist working on a secret invention, Shane Wolfe is suddenly faced with juggling two incompatible jobs: fighting evil while keeping house. As he adds to his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons the new tools of juice boxes and a minivan, Shane not only must defeat a world-threatening enemy but also wrangle teen rebel Zoe, uplift sullen 14-year-old Seth and outwit 8-year-old Ninja-wannabe Lulu, simultaneously keeping toddler Peter and baby Tyler out of mischief, not to mention harm's way. While drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane, he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering, den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a S.E.A.L. out of water, but this tough-guy loner soon realizes that he's also facing the most important mission of his life: becoming part of a family and bringing them all closer together.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (DVS)

The exhibits at New York's Natural History Museum come to life at night, and when they start behaving strangely, Larry, newly-promoted director of nighttime operations, must find out why. The Tablet, which magically brings the creatures to life, has started to decay and the only method of restoring is available at the British Museum. In order to save his museum "family," Larry, his son Nick and the museum exhibits, travel from New York to London, to discover the Tablet's secret.

TV-PG

Monday, Dec 25
12:12 AM

Special (DVS)

Surprise! Instant Xmas Carol!

Celebrity carolers from across the entertainment spectrum hit the road in search of people who look like they could use a little extra holiday cheer. They then surprise their listeners with their own unique renditions of a classic Christmas carol; some good, some bad and some...well, you know. The result is a holiday special packed with unforgettable songs performed in often wild and unpredictable situations.

TV-14